S E L A M A T          D A T A N G

Super Human

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Slowly letting go..ramble.

I don't know how to face you guys..the one who's always there through most of my basketball years..since the beginning and up till now.. We've faced a lot of things, some rough patches, through thick and thin, sweet and sour of the passion we shared together. Some helped me to stand and then gave up in the process, some helped me to walk, to run..faster. But looking at me now, I'm almost giving up and I know that these guys will think that all their hard work are as good as nothing. I'm too 'old' already guys.

I don't know when will I say 'goodbye' officially. My mind started betraying me and made my body it's accomplices and I don't have anything else to depend on.

"Stop it already, aren't you tired of it? Why would you wanted to go farther? What do you really want to prove and to whom? I don't see anymore reason for you to keep going on.." says my damn mind.

"I won't listen to you anymore, passion..! I will do what ever I like and disobeying you is on the list, so you know it." says my rebellious body. "And I won't take anymore injuries.. Should you be enough about it, or you want to see me withering to death, and just then will you consider to quit..?"

The one thing I do with all my heart put in it is now seems to be nothing more than just a game. A game which I used be proud to say that "Yeah, I play basketball..I want to improve, I want to be able to do more, I want to play more game.. I want to go farther with basketball.." but sorry to say that, everything seems so hazy, blurry, unrealistic, dim..and whatever word I can find to fit my uncertainty about how I feel right now..about how I see basketball right now.

Deep down in my heart, I do hope this is just a fluctuation of emotions and feelings generated by my scattered  brain. But part of realistic me tells that the time is almost there, for me to stop my basketball life.

Why do I have these unsure and insecure feelings? I don't know. Maybe it's because of I'm pretty much stressed out right now, with all the inconsistency in labwork results, time is almost up for me to wrap up my MSc, with my mom calling and asking about when will I finish, with other friends who are already settled down and will get on to next stage of their life sending wedding cards, with my mom-to-be best friend ever..it seems that only me stuck in the same stage of life, pretending not to age and  still young to hassle around with basketball. I don't know.. I just don't know.

I need more time for myself. Well, that's escalated too fast.


  1. Salam. Bismillah.

    hey hey anty, the 'guys' thing. does it refer to us? haha.. you've always provided me with mature and grown-up advises and this time I hope I can do the same for you.

    I felt the same way about basketball back then. That's why I chose to learn how to b a referee. But I understand that for your situation, that's almost impossible. Since you're busy and such.

    Don't stop or quit basketball. If you're free, come to play. Play for the fun of it. Play for the teamwork, for the ohsem skills, play so that you stay healthy, not lethargic. Allah pun ada suruh hamba2Nya bersukan so that kita sihat. Kalau Anty x sehat, rehat. Kalau free, rindu shooting,rindu basketball, main.

    Now you can say "I used to play a lot but now I'm a bit busy so I play less. But I still play when I have time"

    That passion to improve, prove ourselves to people, bukan kt kne buang. Mungkin kena ubah je. Mungkin kt bleh choose to help others improve. Or improve our personality by looking at the game. Improve ourselves by teaching ourselves sabar, bila tgk player cocky cuba utk thn dr skt ht. Mungkin.

    Proving our worth to other people, mungkin now since dh xada game, maybe we can be a good teacher or ref? kt snanye xperlu prove diri kt sape2 dah bcuz personally Yna rse org dh knl kt. Good or not tu terpulang. Tp kt perempuan Melayu yang main basketball even in the 20-ies. And that's something.

    Problem Anty yg lain, yg stress, yg MSc, adik anty, weddings semua.. All I can say is, Allah sayaangkan Anty. He loves you very much sebab tu Dia bagi semua ujian ni kt Anty. Bcuz He KNOWS you are THAT strong. Anty byk2kn la doa kt Allah, berikan Anty kekuatan. Kesabaran. Nangislah kt Allah. Dia kan the best of Listeners. We may not understand you, may not share the same sentiment as you do, but Allah knows every bit of your feelings, thoughts and emotions. And we are ultimately vulnerable. To Him.

    InsyaAllah Yna doakan Anty. Doakn Allah berikan Anty kekuatan, tunjukkan jalan yang terbaik utk Anty. Trust Him. Love Him. For all the hardships and happiness He gave you. InsyaAllah smua ada hikmahnye.

    I'm sorry this comment sangat panjang lebar. I'm sorry if I offended you in ANY way. I know in some ways I am inferior to you since I am your 'niece'/ junior but I am also (I hope) your friend. Dan Allah berikan kita kawan dengan tanggungjawab supaya kita jaga kawan kita sebaik2 mungkin.

    All the best Anty. Love you :)

  2. Fuyoh pnjangnya komen di atas .. Jwpan penuh kpada entry ni.. Sokong3.. Tp tu la study pon xleh abai.. When there is a will there is a way..

  3. where is my favorite blogger? Lee kun.. update la belog pelis